Sir Walter Raleigh arrives back in London to present some wondrous gifts to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth. Her Majesty and her court however, are somewhat baffled when told to put leaves in their mouths and set fire to them!

Short (about 10 mins) bawdy skit on Sir Walter’s attempt to sell tobacco and potatoes to the English aristocracy.

Read a short exert here:

Enter (stage right) Queen Elizabeth 1 with maid in waiting Bessie Throckmorton both are accompanied by a single Captain of the guard complete with codpiece and pike. Bishop Clarence trots along behind. Elizabeth is talking as they approach their place.

Elizabeth: Hast thou no thought of marriage Bess? Thou art a reasonably pretty little thing. I suppose some man may have you despite your breeding.

Bess: My thoughts are but to serve my Queen, Madam. Besides I know little of the habits of men.

Elizabeth: Tush child. There is little to know. Men are arrogant, stupid, opinionated and incredibly ill informed when it comes to us women folk. But how about our good Captain here? ( Beckons him over) Fancy you him?

            Both women look him up and down

Elizabeth: If that codpiece be full he will need no brains to keep thee happy. But no, he hath a weak chin and men with weak chins have little balls. Come, we shall find you a man amongst my people.

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